I think it was Rush Limbaugh who coined the phrase "feminazi" back in the '90s...Back then, I just laughed it off and said that a woman can do ANYTHING a man can do (and implied that she could do it better, too).
Since that time, I find myself a married mother of three, pastor's wife and homeschooling mom. And that's the heart of why I named my blog what I did. I would have never in my wildest dreams imagined this life for myself. Most days, I love these roles, but lately there have been more days when I have that evil, little feminazi whispering in my ear, "You're just a maid and a babysitter...you could have made something of yourself! Grad school, top honors in national speech and debate competitions, a well-paying job, a posh apartment. Now look at you! Cleaning the toilet for the fifth time today. Sheesh..."
My husband, who is a very godly and insightful man, hit the nail on the head when I was crying about all this yesterday:
I'm angry at God. I don't trust that His discipline, His humbling of me was just. I think I "deserve better" than all this. That's the root of my discontentment. And my actions and feelings contradict my head knowledge that Romans 8:28 is true: "All things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose." I may say I believe that, but my actions and thoughts betray me. And God knows it.
So now what do I do?? We were watching John Piper's video, When I Don't Desire God-How to Fight for Joy, on Sunday nights a few weeks ago. And I think the place to start for me is to commit to get on my knees EVERY DAY to pray, and not in a legalistic way and even if I don't FEEL like it. I have to beg Him to change me because I can't change myself by just "doing better". I want to be so enamored with Christ that I can joyfully clean the toilet for the tenth time without grumbling against God.
*sigh* Only in glory will it be easier.