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Femi-nazi-ism

I think it was Rush Limbaugh who coined the phrase "feminazi" back in the '90s...Back then, I just laughed it off and said that a woman can do ANYTHING a man can do (and implied that she could do it better, too).

Since that time, I find myself a married mother of three, pastor's wife and homeschooling mom. And that's the heart of why I named my blog what I did. I would have never in my wildest dreams imagined this life for myself. Most days, I love these roles, but lately there have been more days when I have that evil, little feminazi whispering in my ear, "You're just a maid and a babysitter...you could have made something of yourself! Grad school, top honors in national speech and debate competitions, a well-paying job, a posh apartment. Now look at you! Cleaning the toilet for the fifth time today. Sheesh..."

My husband, who is a very godly and insightful man, hit the nail on the head when I was crying about all this yesterday:

I'm angry at God. I don't trust that His discipline, His humbling of me was just. I think I "deserve better" than all this. That's the root of my discontentment. And my actions and feelings contradict my head knowledge that Romans 8:28 is true: "All things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose." I may say I believe that, but my actions and thoughts betray me. And God knows it.

So now what do I do?? We were watching John Piper's video, When I Don't Desire God-How to Fight for Joy, on Sunday nights a few weeks ago. And I think the place to start for me is to commit to get on my knees EVERY DAY to pray, and not in a legalistic way and even if I don't FEEL like it. I have to beg Him to change me because I can't change myself by just "doing better". I want to be so enamored with Christ that I can joyfully clean the toilet for the tenth time without grumbling against God.

*sigh* Only in glory will it be easier.

3 comments:

Wow, reading your comments is amazing, your story is very similar to my own. The bit about a recovering feminist...that's me too (I like that phrase, although Iv'e never heard it before) Most days I love my God given roles. Im a wife, homemaker, mom of two, and a Pastor's Wife. There are days however...days when I hear that voice of the adversary, saying, "this is it, this is all your life has amounted to? Changing diapers (I have a 2yr. old and 10 mo. old), wiping noses, doing laundry...(not very glamourous) Fortunatley, however, the Lord continues his refining process in my life, and shows me

April 1, 2007 at 11:10 PM  

Sometimes it's nice just to know you're not the only one who struggles. It's tough replacing what we know to be a lie with the truth from God's Word. I hope you'll continue to read and give me your insight, what God is teaching YOU. Thanks.

April 2, 2007 at 8:33 AM  

It's me again. Sorry I didn't get a chance to finish. I asked my hubby for our password and he sent it off, thinking I was all done.
Anyways, to finish my thought...I was just going to finish by saying that He continues to show me that His way is the best way, and not my own.

April 2, 2007 at 8:41 AM  

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