I've been feeling like a complete failure as a godly woman. I've read all the "right" books about what it means to glorify God as a wife and mother and feel like I always come up short. I lose my temper, get grumpy about cleaning the house, feel jealous of my husband's role, feel trapped in my house. I feel all the things that feminists scream at us about how oppressed women are, but I know that this is not what God wants for me. I know what they say is not biblical. I'm a good Reformed-type Baptist girl and I truly believe it's the devil whispering in my ear constantly all day long, making me discontent and feeding my flesh its worldly desires to grumble and complain against God and my family.
I was actually able to open my Bible this morning and I read in Titus 1:16
They profess to know God, but by their deeds they deny Him, being detestable and disobedient and worthless for any good deed.
I felt the Holy Spirit's hand heavy upon me as I read this, as the deeds of my heart can be so wicked and ungrateful, then I went further into the book and read:
For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation to all men instructing us to deny ungodliness and worldly desires and to live sensibly, righteously and godly in the present age, looking for the blessed hope and the appearing of the glory of our great Savior, Christ Jesus, who gave Himself for us to redeem us from every lawless deed, and to purify for Himself a people for His own possession, zealous for good deeds.
It is only by God's grace that I can love like He has loved me. It is only by God's grace that I can deny the ungodliness and worldly desires that so often seem to consume me. And while "this present age" for Paul was quite different than this present age now, I think the fundamental problems are the same. It's no surprise then, that at the beginning of chapter two of Titus the older women are to encourage the younger women to love their husbands and children--that implies that sometimes it's tough! Not because our husbands and children are difficult, but because my sinful heart is so selfish that I rebel against wanting to pour myself out for them like Jesus did.
As the family comes in the door, I hope I can practice what I've been reading...
Labels: growing in my faith