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Boy, sometimes I feel like I swing on this pendulum between basking in my role as wife and homemaker and homeschooling mother and loathing it.

Tonight, well, all of today, actually, was a loathing day. No one "set me off". Hubby didn't get on my nerves...I just had that little feminazi demon whispering in my ear again:

"Is this what you went to college for?"
"Nobody cares that you're picking up and mopping the floor again."
"Almost 30 years old and this is all you have to show for your life?"

AHHHHH!!!!!! And when I get like this then little things make me so mad, like dog food stuck in the floor grates, strawberry stains on the floor, laundry piled in a basket higher than my head when I carry it upstairs, pee on the floor around the toilet (I live with three boys, remember)...

I KNOW my ministry is to my family right now. I know these years fly by. I know. I know. I know.

So now's where the knowing must translate into action and attitude change, or maybe I don't know it at all after all...

7 comments:

yup, it is a thankless job somedays! hope tomorrow is a better day!

June 19, 2007 at 3:27 AM  

I don't even have kids and get those little thoughts in my head too. Satan really likes to drag us down, doesn't he? I hear ya sista.

I have to keep reminding myself that God's plans usually do not make sense from the perspective of the human eye. Did it make sense when Abraham was asked to sacrifice Isaac? Did it make sense when Ruth followed her mother-in-law to land she had never seen? Yet, these and many more are part of God's greater plan and worth more than what they appeared to be to those around them.

June 19, 2007 at 7:17 AM  

Feminazi, schmeminazi.
Your work is the most important in the whole world. I went back to work when my older son went to kindergarten and put my then 2 1/2 year old in day care. I rationalized that it was OK since the day care was next door to my school. I regret it so much.

After watching me change a diaper once, my aunt said, "How sad. Her daddy spent all that money to send her to that fancy college and now all she does is wipe butts." That's OK. The butt I was wiping now belongs to an incredibly smart, well-adjusted, handsome, healthy 13-year old well on his way to becoming a great man of God. That's worth it all.

June 19, 2007 at 1:42 PM  

You'll never look back and regret the time you've spent with your kids. Neither of our children were homeschooled, but one spent time in day care, and the other didn't. I'm not convinced the day care child was any worse off than the one under my wing, but I sure missed a lot, and our bond isn't as close. Even though I worked with the second child, it was at a very small Lutheran school, which he attended, and we were together all day (I was even his teacher for 2 years.) Blessings showered down from above those years were.

June 19, 2007 at 7:57 PM  

I think you will get the thanks...maybe in 10 years or so? Or the pride, and sense of accomplishment, when these kids safely navigate their way through the wilds of life to land in adulthood.

Motherhood is so hard. But you will not regret it. And God will bless you so richly!

Your children are lucky to be raised by such a cool mom, investing such time and effort into them.

June 20, 2007 at 2:19 AM  

Been there and done that. Still find myself there many times. How often I buy the lie of our culture that success equals achievement! I do know this: these years do in fact pass quickly. Those stages of life I thought would never end did and I find myself missing them way more than I ever imagined. Live for today, offering even the trivial and the mundane to God in a sacrifice of praise...

Stumbled upon your site from Average Girl--I look forward to greater perusal!

Blessings,
Lisa

June 20, 2007 at 11:33 AM  

juloyes,

yup, right here with you.

some say we'll reap our rewards for what we do as our children get older, and i pray we will, but that may not be the case. we don't do it so they'll praise us, but because we want to be able to say i wasn't the perfect mom, but i did my best and i was there. we didn'y pay someone else so that we could do something 'more important'.

i read something good on the preschoolers and peace site recently that you might like to read, see my site for the link if you need it.

sometimes i find when i've had a day like you'ved described, it's when i haven't gotten enough sleep, or hormonal, and it helps to identify that and know that my 'feelings' or thought processes are faulty.

and on your more recent posts; i'm sorry you're feeling so alone, and while i'mnot a pastor's wife, i do know what you are going through. i'll pray for you. in our area, our church is reaching out to other churches to work together and try to overcome that competitiveness. maybe you'll make a web friend to help with the lonliness.

June 26, 2007 at 8:26 PM  

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