I was reading over at Girltalk a while back and it hit me like a ton of bricks: I am vain.
Before children, I was thin without making any effort. I wasn't athletic, I ate what I wanted and I just was skinny.
Mothers out there know what bizarre things happen to a woman's body when she's pregnant! For me, it meant keeping ten pounds or so from every baby as a kind of souvenir.
I've been focusing lately on losing weight. I've been running, walking, lifting. I've dropped 7 pounds so far, with only 8 more to go to get back to where I was when I got pregnant this last time.
But it's occured to me that my whole motivation is to "look better". Why should this matter to me? Is it because I was always thin without having to worry about it? Is it because I'm buying into the world's standard of beauty? I hate to admit, but I think the answer to these questions is YES.
So I've repented of my vanity, something I must do daily. I've committed myself to being healthy, to preventing heart disease, cancer, osteoporsis, diabetes, knee replacements, back problems...so that when I'm a grandma someday, I can be a busy, active, FUN grandma who can enjoy her children's children. That has become my focus, I pray that by God's grace, he will bless my efforts this time since it is from a heart that seeks to bring him glory through taking care of my temple of the Holy Spirit, and not from a heart that seeks to worship myself.