I've noticed a pattern in the ministry of pastors' wives, and I've written a lot about the loneliness of being a pastor's wife. Perhaps it's just my personality, but I tend to look for ladies in the community or the church who don't seem to have any close friends or even friends to do stuff with.
So I befriend them, call them, have them over and it's great for a while. If they have kids, we do playdates, if not they come for a meal with us.
Then, maybe they get plugged in at church or I introduce them to another person I think they might get along with, and I start to fall by the wayside. The relationship seems to gradually slip and the third wheel gets pushed out. This has really bothered me in the past, but I had an epiphany this morning about it.
No matter what we do as pastors' wives, there will always be that invisible barrier that exists between us and our church members. No amount of sharing or praying will make it disappear. There will always be issues going on in our lives or the lives of people we know that we cannot express, but that are heavy burdens to bear. I'm coming to accept this truth, even though it's difficult.
But as the PW, what I can do is to network. I'm friendly by nature and like to do things with people, so it isn't hard for me to be outgoing and initiate get-togethers. I also seem to have a sixth sense about if people will click or not, so I like to introduce them. Then, they go and do their own thing.
This has happened recently, and at first it was pretty lonely, but then another young mom has found a place in my life who is looking for a friend, whose husband isn't a believer, and who wants to work out in the mornings with me. Now I'm not trying to "pawn" her off on someone else, but I know of two different ladies who she might really gel with. I like this gal a lot, but I'm always her pastor's wife. I've become a networker.
This was a role I didn't expect. Thoughts, anyone? I love your input!
Labels: pastor's wifery